Stupid Questions & Remarks

Throughout my pregnancy and after, I've encountered alot of ridiculous questions and remarks. In fact I've got one post on some of the weird things people say when they discovered I was pregnant here. 

Well, after you give birth it doesn't get easier, firstly you are bombarded with endless visitors ranging from families, relatives, friends and colleagues who then decided to bring their spouses, cell members, children, golf buddies etc to witness your "just gave birth look like hell no makeup bad hair face" and brand new baby who is probably shocked to be suddenly outside the comfort of the womb and have to deal with many a staring face. Plus your nether regions are on fire with pain that is unspeakable as the epidural and painkillers slowly wear off and you are dying for a shower, bed pan, morphine, whatever, plus your emotions are highly unstable and you are physically and mentally TIRED beyond words, yet you have to smile at an endless stream of visitors and entertain questions to infinity. or all you wish to do is hold your newborn child in your arms and enjoy the moment but NOOoooooooo ..... *sheeessshh*

Well, most people are extremely thoughtful and lovely and they just want to congratulate us, share our joy and see the new baby. But some of these visitors come bearing remarks that can actually be quite unkind, offensive and insensitive, or just plain annoying. I decided to list some that I've personally encountered lately here so that (a) we don't repeat it and risk irritating the sh*t out of others AND (b) don't come and annoy me with these questions and remarks as well.

Here are some I encountered (for real, not making it up):

1. Are you in alot of pain? What do you think??? This came from a young girl who has yet to birth a  child so I will forgive this remark LOL!
2. You look tired. *duh*
3. Why is your labor so long? Followed by a detailed victorious story of how their labor was so wonderfully short, painless and effortless. OMG what is there to compare? It this really necessary?
4. How come your baby is so SMALL??? Followed by serious bragging of how their baby was 4 freaking kg and their success story at bringing forth a gigantic fetus through an almost instant vaginal birth. Oh God seriously? Are we bragging about the weight of the baby???
5. How come you need to use a vacuum when your baby is only 2.83kg? I just wish I can say "get lost lady, get outta my face" and I wonder why I'm even having this conversation with you.
6. During my pregnancy I didn't put on THAT much weight as my baby was good at absorbing the nutrients. At this point I'm just wondering what she's implying; that I'm too fat yet my baby is small and somehow my baby did not absorb the nutrients? Meaning what? I'm a bad mother stealing all the good stuff from my own fetus? Gosh lady, you need some serious lessons in tact, and this coming from a so-called matured woman in her forties.
7. Epidural is not good, you will get backache in years to come. Seriously, think about it, we all know that, don't you think anyone in their right sound mind won't want to avoid this if possible, obviously it was not like an easy choice to make. And unless you can say you knew the pain I went through, you have no right to judge the labor decisions I made.
8. Why didn't you just opt for Cesarean? This came from some clueless guy who probably think all women should go c-section so that the vaginal regions are unmarked and unscathed by childbirth. This is due to pure ignorance, a sad lack of education. Think about it, nature and God intended for a vaginal birth. A c-section, in most cases, is necessary due to medical complications and emergencies. Of course lately alot of women are opting for elective c-sections for vanity / convenience sake (and I say this without any judgement whatsoever, each to her own), so I guess we can't blame these guys for thinking it's the norm.

Well, maybe a new mother is super emo, sensitive and highly defensive during the first few days and weeks, and I think she has every right to be, given that her body, mind and soul is going through quite a lot after bringing forth a new baby into the world, and everyone is different in every way. I don't see what's there to loose by exercising some consideration, kindness and tact. I mean, after all you came to visit me and my baby, so why is it suddenly all about YOU and YOUR big fat baby and YOUR very smooth easy labor and birth? I'm not interested. I'm tired, in pain, and drugged out, the last thing I need is to hear your bragging-baby-stories. And please stop making comments about my baby being small or whatever negative nonsense. My ob-gyn confirms the baby is a good size for me and he is healthy, whole and just perfect in every way.

Ultimately the main objective is that the baby came safe and sound and perfectly formed, and that the mother is also well and alive. I know my true friends are happy for us and really, that's all that matters. At moments like this what we need are people who are kind and supportive and respect our decisions. We have no room in our lives for those who are here to pass judgement and unkind nonconstructive remarks.

Bizzarre!

I just came across something so bizarre it's knocking off my socks completely. I have Facebook connections who set up individual Facebook pages for their dogs. Don't get me wrong, I have nought against pets and I particularly love dogs and if you've been stalking me for a while you would have caught snippets of our family mutt scattered around this blog.

Anyway, I know some people set up Dog Pages so that they can give a life and identity to their beloved doggie and I think while that's not exactly normal sane human behavior, it is kinda cute in a weird way. They hook up with other Dog Pages and there your pet can live an online life through you, frankly I don't think the dog gives a skinny kitten's ass if he has a Facebook page, never mind if he has fans / friends on that page. In fact, back in the heat of novelty, I too created two such pages dedicated to two dogs but they are defunct now and I do not, I repeat, I do not have conversations with myself posing as a dog.

What bothers me to the point of doubting someones sanity is when they 'talk' on behalf of their dogs (as in post status on behalf of the dog) and then, get this ... they reply as themselves, the dog owner. Heaven knows I am so freaking tempted to screen capture and show the dialogs here and tickle my readers high but I shall not as i still do value these crazy connections I have. I can't resist mocking them here though.

Here's a modified example of what I saw on a wall, names changed to protect the demented:

Dog Wall Status: Hmmm I am so hungry, wonder what will mummy be feeding me later? *woof*
Owner Replies: U are so naughty, u just ate bone snacks and u're already hungry? Such a piggy glutton of a dog you are ^_^

Dog Wall Status: Yay mummy's home from work!!! *wag tail*
Owner Replies: Aaaawww you're such a darling puppy *muax*

Ok, cute to death right? Fine. Maybe one sees this as a platform to explore and express one's scriptwriting or creative writing skills and I can see how this will come in really useful in a Sunday school puppet show or to fulfill some dreams of writing children's books. But on Facebook, for the benefit of your adult friends? Maybe it's just me; maybe I'm too dense to appreciate this kinda creative banter.


And ... dig this, some of these people manage more than one Dog pages; actively. I wonder if these people are simply so high on themselves or they just have absolutely no useful and purposeful agenda in life whatsoever that they have to simulate imaginary conversations with their pets on a public social media platform. Oh gosshhhhhh ...... *pengsan*

Tell me it's not me that's weird or is this some kinda new current trend I'm missing out on??? Is it? Is it???

Office Oddities

I wish to entertain everyone with what happened this morning. It’s funny to me because if the exact same scenario happened in my old place I would have reacted quite differently, or rather more colorfully. Here I’ve been trying my utmost to be a decent human being with a more mellowed and limited range of reactions.

M being me and B being Miss Blur. Begin with the context that I'm not particular crazy about B to begin with. Simply because, not only is she not the brightest star in the sky, despite being quite 'seasoned' in her work, she has an amazing capability of committing any possible typo, grammatical, mathematical exel error you can possibly imagine.

• M: *sits down at cubicle after discussion with boss in room*
• B: M, X called just now and she says she will be half an hour late
• M: X who? Late fro what?
• B: alahhhh, X from XYZ la, which X pulak *chuckles like I'm a retard*
• M: huh? I don’t have an appointment with her, are u sure? She called u? Just now? Do we have a meeting?
• B: yes she called me and she ask me to tell u she will be late, I don't know what meeting you have with her.
• M: huh that’s really weird, I really don't have any appointment with her …. *frantically flips through diary and check sms on phone, starts to panic*
• B: yes la really she just called *sounds insistent and exasperated*
• M: *phones X’s mobile* hey hi, M here did you call B and say you’ll be late for some meeting? What meeting are we having ya?

         ***** SILENCE******

• M: Oh you didn’t call? *glares at B* Oh, sorry, must be miscomm then.Sorry, bye.
• B: Oohh takde ke? Alamak, sorry sorry hehehe. I’m so kelam kabut with my work *laughs and giggles*
• M: *eyes open wide wide* so actually who was it who called for me if it’s not X?
• B: I cannot remember.

Sigh.

Turns out there is another person by the name of X who indeed called B to tell B she will be late in meeting B. This X does not know me and vice versa.

Gosh. People do leave their brains at home sometimes.

The Savage Valley of Losers Galore

I have learnt that the best international blue chip organizations does not necessarily hire talents that reflect their stature. And vice versa, a locally established organization does not have the least of talents. And that divine knowledge which has taken me painful years to conclude has driven many sane souls to the abyss of insanity and madness.

So if you ever encounter such losers and feel yourself about to lose it and unleash venomous sarcasm and plot vicious vengeful attacks, as I often envision myself doing, why not take a deep breath and count to 10? Not enough? Then come recite this silly prayer with me, which is already mean in itself but it holds me back from doing something I will truly regret. Who knows it may work for you too :)

"Oh Lord, grant me supernatural patience & grace when faced with the exceptionally tactless, crude, crass, callow and dim-witted imbeciles in my path. Yea, though I walk thru the savage valley of losers galore, let me not falter but stand tall. Amen!"

By this age, I know myself that I'm not the gentle, long-suffering, gracious, patient kinda person and like it or not, I'm just wired that way. But in order to be a more amicable person and mature towards being a good mother to my unborn child and probably more to come, I have decided to take a lighter view of things, and though I'm still learning, I'll find ways to manage my super short-fused anger. Only God can help, and I guess a little humor won't hurt either. As for now, I really don't want to be a pissy moody mother lest the child of my womb gets the bad vibes! Heaven knows it's not easy given the roles I have to play!

A Nostalgic Rambling

I'm actually not quite human, just a bundle of nerves arranged nicely to look like a woman. Sometimes I get so emotional and consumed by my moods it's unbelievable.

What I'm about to say here takes alot of courage as my pride and ego would usually never allow me to admit regrets, I've always looked like I've got it all together, sigh; time to admit defeat.

Truth is, ever since I'm here at the new place since February, I'm yearning for the days that were. Far away in a distant time and place with familiar faces and familiar sounds, sight and smells. A place I could always be myself, a place were everyone accepted my idiosyncrasies. A place that was not perfect, oh far from perfect, but in retrospect, familiarity trumps perfection.

Why the nostalgia?

• I miss the familiar shaded parking spot that's always there for me any time of the day. I don't have to walk forever to reach it, I don't have to worry about rain or muggers or being run down by blind motorists while getting to my car. And if someone knock into my car, I'll always know who!
• I miss the cafe cum canteen downstairs with my favorite smoking spot and even the waitress that gets the orders wrong. Never mind the unimaginative mediocre menu and inconsistent food standards, it doesn't stop me yearning the warm breeze that accompanies the lunch break.
• I miss the loo, yeah, even the loo, the spacious clean loos!
• I miss the faces I don't like to see on a Monday morning. I miss how I have to force myself to smile at some of the cows but they are familiar cows and it beats getting to adjust to new cows.
• I miss my huge cubicle with the 4 feet high partitions.
• I miss the girls, whom are all gone, or going going gone anyway. I miss the drama at the car park, I miss the sneaking off for early lunches, I miss the crazy email threads, I miss the way we sneak downstairs to share a smoke, share a juicy story or just a joke.
• I miss being in charge of things, I miss making all the decisions, I miss being the go-to person, I miss everything these bare hands had built from nothing. I miss the passion and excitement and even the crazy challenges that I overcame with my dream team (well that was already dwindling anyway which ultimately led to this predicament!)
• I miss the long morning drive there, even the traffic doesn't bother me.
• I miss owning that sense of individuality, independence, belonging and power.

Of course there a thousand things I do not miss (maybe I should do a separate post on that for the sake of perspective). If given a miracle of a chance I would not wish to be there now. I don't mind a nostalgic visit to the past just to relive some of the precious crazy moments with some precious people. I guess I was always the one who wanted more, I believed I could be so much more, but was I way out of my head or should I have been contented with my portion and fill?

Why am I nostalgic? I guess because I'm a sentimental wreck, I guess I'm overruled by pregger hormones, I guess I don't entirely enjoy being here, I guess I'm not letting go, I guess I have to come to terms with this and face my decisions. What's done cannot be undone.

Alas, all this emotional turmoil is turning me into someone I barely recognize. I don't feel so alive anymore. But was I truly even alive back then to begin with? Or was it a retrospective illusion? The grass always appear greener through the lenses of time, we tend to forget there were weeds.

I keep telling myself I did the right thing; it was time to go, it was time for a change, God opened the door and the paths were laid out so easily for me to move. So were the doors opened by God above or was I so desperate for change that I convinced myself all opened doors are from God. Sometimes after having too many closed doors, you grab unto the one opening you can glimpse, in retrospect was it even a door or just a man hole?

Part of me want to believe this open door led me not to my destiny but to a transition, kind of like a world between worlds in Narnia. I guess I have to do my time here and look out for the next open door that will lead me to my destiny.

You're so full of it!

Ok, now I've been gone over a month now, and not because I've been too lazy to blog but really I've had way too much I would like say and I can't figure out how to say them and when best to say them.

Friends and acquaintances. We get all sorts. Now I'm really not a super sociable kinda person. I'd rather spend time alone by myself or at home than hanging out with different groups of people all the time talking rots. I do have wonderful friends; and I do beleive in quality over quantity. Life, unfortunately once in a while give us a couple of people we can't stand yet we have to see them more often that we would like too.

Today I'd like to talk about self absorbed people. Me and two of my girlfriends recently tried to explain the root cause behind people who are full of themselves, friend A says "overconfidence", friend B says "insecure" I'd go with insecure.

Let's first expound what it means to be "full of oneself":

1. You never ask people "how are you?" and be genuine about it, and when you do ask, you just want to hear "fine" so you can switch the topic back to yourself. You can't wait to get over formalities so you can start talking about yourself.
2. 80% of the conversation centers around your own person; how you feel, your health, your work, your relationships, your pains and aches, your dissatisfactions, your needs and so forth.
3. You look bored when others start talking about something else, or themselves.
4. You shove your pictures, videos, stories down other people's throat but when they show you theirs, you won't even pretend to look interested.
5. You almost never pay compliments or say anything positive and encouraging to others around you.
6. You think everyone is checking you out all the time, so you're often poised and collected, you even sneeze or walk a certain way.
7. You befriend people who makes you look good or important.
8. You are often justifying and explaining your every single action because you're so obsessed how people see you.
9. You change your Facebook profile picture every other day.
10. You stare at the mirror / glass window at EVERY opportunity to check yourself out.
11. When someone tells you their problems or grouses, you ALWAYS interrupt with similar stories of yourself, and then you rattle on and the other person forgot what they were saying in the first place.
12. You're good at acting to some extend because you need to win adoration and admiration from different groups of people. Small-talk is your specialty.
13. You initiate and post comments on other peoples pictures, blogs, tweets purely for the intention of getting them to do the same in return.
14. You're constantly fishing; fishing for sympathy or fishing for compliments on a daily basis. This is how it works, you announce how sad your life is, how misunderstood you are, how much pain you're in, how fat and frumpy you look etc so that people can go "oh you poor thing" "oh no you're not fat, you're gorgeous" bla bla bla.
15. More than half your bookshelf comprise of self-help books.
16. You take a thousand personality quizzes to 'appraise' yourself and make your friends take multiple quizzes abut yourself; like the world is actually interested in the nitty gritties of your small existence.
17. You take advantage of people to advance your own cause and won't even feel bad about it.
18. You have a compelling desire to constantly update your many status-enhancing material acquisitions online, e.g. pictures of your latest customised designer handbags or limited edition Cartier jewelry piece and you shamelessly publicise outright the fact that you now live in a high end property in the upper east side, in local context read D'sara Heights , Kenny Hills, Dusa Nusantara etc. What do you aim to achieve? So that people can praise and compliment your wealth, your good luck, your exquisite taste in your imported Versace Home collection or your fifty thousand ringgit Bofi kitchen. Come on, seriously?
19. You are often 'victimised' and feel sorry for yourself, then you story the world about your sorry life so everyone can hold a pity party in your honor.
20. You can't participate in conversations about movies, books, world issues or even gossips, simply because you're clueless on anything outside your own world or when it does not benefit you in anyway.
21. You don't have a sense of humor and you can't repeat a joke because you never paid attention to funny things you see or read, simply because it's always always about YOU.

I came up with the above 'checklist' after careful observation of various behavioral traits of multiple specimens in real time and on various social media platforms. The examples quoted here are for real, brand names have been changed to protect the 'victimised'. I would like to add the disclaimer that I am in no way qualified to psychoanalyze but I have proven to myself to be pretty good judge of character. Also, I do not assume the moral higher ground here as I've also been guilty of some of the above so I guess this also serves as a checklist for myself so I won't falter as well.

Of course, each one of us are guilty of some or more of the above on and off. I am particularly guilty of #10. It's really no big crime to be so full of yourself and show-off once in a while, it's only natural, it's the inevitable state of our fallen selfish selves. But it comes as a major turn off if you're repeatedly chronically self-absorbed. You'll come across as insecure, annoying and spoilt, and you wonder why people stopped inviting you to gatherings and parties? Having said that, it's ok to talk about yourself, but do at least give others same amount of air time, even if they are boring, have the courtesy to look interested, unless of course you're too self-absorbed to consider the feelings of your friends! Tsk tsk.

And when you ask "How are you?", don't just stop at "fine", ask them how their work is, how's their cat, dog, mother, father, one can probe without interrogating. Once in a while pay some compliments to others, tell them they look nice in their new hairdo or they have a nice outfit, instead waiting with bated breath for others to notice and comment on your new Prada clutch, they might not say anything, anyway they have already seen it multiple times online. Also, yea yea, we acknowledge how pretty and photogenic you are, we do not need to see a different (digitally enhanced) profile photo every two days! LOL.

Business Common Sense is Hard to Come By

I really don't get people who call people on official business on a public holiday. I totally get it if you're calling the family doctor or the neighborhood restaurant or a beauty salon for a spa booking any time of the day, but I don't get it when strangers (who gets my number from various sources) call me up on a public holiday and asks me if my organization can assist them with certain activities or provide official sponsorships etc. I'm like, "gosh if you really want me to help you, please at least send me an official email or contact me on official hours instead of calling me on my mobile on a public holiday / weekend at odd hours like 8pm with a less than politely-appealing tone and manner"

Common sense people. Do not bother your clients, business associates and management of companies whom you are appealing for help, especially when they owe you nothing. Then you wonder why they don't respond to you. if you need the help, you play the rules by their terms. Or at least learn proper acceptable business etiquette.

Come on, personal time is personal time. Holidays are holidays. I'm not a doctor on-call 24-hours. Unless it's a mater of life and death or you're paying my salary, please spare me the drama.

Don't Call Me Babe

There are girlfriends and there are friends who are girls. Big difference ok. Girlfriends can call me 'babe'. Friends or rather acquaintances are NOT allowed to call me 'babe' ... simply because I am NOT your babe.

Also, I cannot tahan people telling me to "CHILL" ..... the worse combination: "Chill la babe" from someone who is not your girlfriend, or someone you barely know, maybe met a few times. Telling somene to 'chill' is very condescending. It puts the person who is saying it on a higher moral ground and thus puts down the other person who is supposedly 'losing it' and hence needs to be told to 'chill'.

One should have enough common sense to think it over before one goes aroud calling everyone 'babe' and telling people who are upset to "chill la babe".

*restraining myself from saying further things that might get my blog banned .... aaarghhh"

Irritating Specimen #1

This is the first entry in a series of 'irrirtating specimens'. Yup, so I have neglected my blog for a while now ... but now I have a need for it. A blog is really handy when you need to speak your mind about something yet alas you can't take it to the actual person or situation.

Without much ado let's release some tension with irritating specimen #1.

Subject: female late twenties
Vicinity: apparently much further than I imagined

Specimen #1, now let's give the girl a name so it's easier to follow, she'll be Kate, cos it rhymes with Fake. I thought Kate and I were really close frends, we see each other almost everyday for a couple of years now and we do reasonable amount of stuff together. I think I spent more time with Kate than with my own childhood girlfriends.

So anyway Kate betrayed me. It's probably really nothing in everyone's eyes but it bothers me. Oh and boy did it bother me for days and weeks. So this entry is supposed to be catharthic and hopefully this release will free me from all the irritation and angst.

How did Kate betray me? By not taking in my confidence. She led me to believe that we're close friends but when something BIG happened to her, she leaves me completely out of the story. Sure everyone has a right to whom they wish to confide in, but I did not expect to be left out. I take it as a betrayal. I had to find out bits and pieces of the story from OTHER PEOPLE who came to fill me in, and they go like "you don't know?" And I was like "what the effing crap???" How could she not tell me, and leave me in the dark and let me hear the story from someone else?

Not only that, after a so-called tragic series of misfortunes in her life, she began to drift in and out, one minute she has a blank spaced-out look in her eyes, and the very next minute she plasters on a FAKE wide smile and pretends to be happy and 'in the zone'. Girl, everyone can see through you, who are you kidding but yourself. Once I tried to ask her if she is ok and that she should talk about what's bothering her, she *smiles* with a wide smile and says everything is GREAT. But we all know it's not. So, misfortunes, followed by spaced out zombie looks, fake smiles and then, oh it gets better, false invitations, pretentious enthusiasms and cancelling out on this and that with 'fake' reasons. The lies begins and there has been so many secrets. The secrets obviously leaked out, so the very people that Kate decided to confide in aren't exactly bullet-proof, are they now?

I toyed with the idea of confronting her, but bad enough that she is already not incredibly perceptive, she is constantly going through various degrees of out-of-body experiences, what good would it do to tell her how I feel? She would'nt care how I feel, if she even cared about our so-called friendship, she would have at least included me in whatever the effing crap that happened to her.

If she had told me, cried on my shoulders, I would have been such a good good friend to her and I would have been on her side and I would have conspired to to do various misdeeds to whomever who hurt her. But no. I was sadly mistaken, I thought she was my friend, but I'm proven wrong. I hate her for that. I hate her for letting me believe we are friends. I hate her for making me care about her. And I hate the secrets. Friends don't keep secrets.

Anyway I tried to reason why she left me out, perhaps I wasn't around much, I was travelling blah blah blah, or perhaps she was ashamed, perhaps the story was not in her favor. Anyway from the bits and pieces I'm hearing there are holes and gaps and the various stories don't add up. Or perhaps she just never even see me as a close friend, it was all one-sided, I'm just the over eager-beaver. Shhheeeesh.

But if that's the case, I don't understand why she's pretending like everything is okay, and still pretend that she wants to hang out with me and all that jazz? WTF???

So a part of me tells me to let it go, let her go, so be it, I have enough friends, Kate hasn't even been around that much, and she likes to be so secretive and she lies, so that's a giveaway on her integrity. So I should just wish her the best and if she decides to come around to tell me or choose not to tell me, I should graciously let her be and continue to be a friend whenever and if ever she needs one. Meanwhile, since she has so many secrets and so many skeletons to hide, go ahead and live with them, it's her life after all, why the hell I stress?

But the evil bitch in me says Kate deserves it all. Whatever is happening in her sorry sad life, she asked for it. The bitch in me wants nothing ever again to do with her. Stay out of my life. Who needs a friend who is prone to lying and pretentiousness and secrets. So many dark secrets .... let her rot with her dark secrets.

Anyway another part of me is super curious what the hell happened and I think I know just the perfect person to find out the truth from ... why rely on third party stories .... if she won't tell me the truth, somebody will ... eventually *wink*wink*

Liar liar panties on fire.

Dreaded Truths

I like playing dress-up for big do's for e.g. attending weddings and stuff like that but there's always a nagging worry that eats me up like an ugly goblin.... I'm totally ashamed of myself for saying this and for giving two-hoots even, but I always worry that some irritating idiotic, insensitive, inconsequential distant relative will say something like "Wah you put on weight ya!" then add on with a "Er, but so much better like this" like as though the afterthought is supposed to ... what ... Soften the blow? Cover line for the blurt-out? Justifying the statement? What's worst? "Are you pregnant?" or the worst of the worst "How many months along are you already?" .... when you are NOT pregnant. The evil in me will surely wish whoever says this die a thousand diferent painful deaths. Thank God it hasnt happened yet.

I actually don't care what the hags and goons think of me but it's almost like a serious revelation as they have not seen you in say a whole year or so and there's gotta be some serious truth in it. And that's what spooks me. The truth.

I need to either do something or be a hermit forevermore.

I do wish sometimes I can be those strong confident super duper self assured types when it comes to self-body-image but at thirty one I'm still not getting there I think. It's time to submit to my paranoia beacause no matter how I try to psycho myself that I should not bother and it's substance over silhoutte ... yaddaa yaddaa .... the truth is I do. Sadly. Surrender to being the weak, unliberated woman. Prisoner of my own paranoias. It really gets to me, I can't help it.

I dem super tak larat.

Evil Incarnate

Behold.

There lives a woman who is evil incarnate; cold, heartless and selfish to the core. She dresses herself in a gentle façade of humble charity and kindness and over-compensates her envious and bitter heart with pretentious words and gestures. She drives away people; and they all leave her, one by one, by one ... by one ... and at the end of the day she wonders to herself why she is so unlucky.

Pity pity your poor sorry soul, my dear evil incarnate. The day will come when your salty tears will be toxic blood. What goes around comes around.

And so I shall rid myself of the toxicity emanating from the evil incarnate less it gets the better of me.

No more will I allow your intimidating stare and toxic frown paralyze my life.

Goodbye, and see if I care if you suffer and die.

Get Real. Say No To FAKES!

I'm back!!! Oh gosh it's been so long. I really miss writing.

This issue has been bothering me, especially ever since I heard a discussion on this topic on a local radio talk show a week or so back. It saddens me that the "counterfeit" industry is going from strength to strength. Why? Because consumers are supporting them by increasing demand on these fake stuff. A few listeners actually called in and said that yes, they do and will buy fake designer goods as it is cheaper (duh) and looks as good as the real deal. It's true that nowadays they are so good you cannot tell the difference between them, unless you're a forensic scientist or something.

My stand? I am against all forms of piracy, especially on consumer and commercial goods. I do not understand the need to own a fake Gucci, Prada, Coach or LV merchandise. Quoting the radio deejay "You mean you would buy a fake just to give people the impression that you can afford a real one?" This is so true, it really speaks of pretentiousness and shallow-ness; giving a false impression! If you would not lie about yourself nor others, why would you want to give a false impression of yourself? My take is this, why would you spend 200 bux on a fake to give the impression that you can afford 2,000 bux? To show others that you have taste? To show others that you are financially sound? Buying a fake proves neither of the above. Some tai-tais out there buy loads of real stuff which are 'unbecoming' and yet loads of non-designer brands out there are actually classy and gorgeous; e.g. Zara, Charles & Keith and GAP. There is no need to resort to fakes. It is distasteful and embarrassing, not to mention illegal! Yes, that's right, it's illegal.

In Rome, if you are caught buying a fake from an illegal street vendor, the buyer will be arrested, not the seller! And I heard a radio caller mentioned that someone she knows was arrested at US customs for carrying a fake Coach bag. How embarrassing!

I am glad LV took a stand against eBay for selling fake merchandise online. This industry should not be supported.

In short, here are why I think consumers buy fake designer goods:

1. To give an impression that they are 'someone else', richer, classier, more tasteful etc (wannabes?)
2. They like the design of the real deal but are not willing to spend.
3. They think designer bags makes them special or rich or whatever, if it's not YOU, it's not REAL. Be yourself. If you cannot afford it, don't fake it!
   
4. They want to impress their friends. Face it, if your friends are familiar with the real deal, you would look like a fool, if they do not know any better, they are not worth impressing. Anyway your good friends would know the real you, whether or not you are deserving of it.

Here are some reasons why we should not support the counterfeit industry:

1. It's illegal! Seriously!
2. You can get caught and that is so low. I think they should eventually insert microchips into these goods so they can scan these bags at customs to weed out the fakers.
   
3. It's so third-world! Come on, Malaysia is a developing country, if these activities flourish, how do we take us to the next level?
4. It's unfair to the design houses as they lose out on royalties and their sales plummets, forcing them to hike up their retail prices even more, thus making these goods further out of reach. Imagine if you are the designer or brand owner!
5. It's sad for those who own the real thing, as then people wonder if yours is a real or a fake! The authentic stuff lose value. So sad!
6. Buying the real deal from an authorized store begets you fantastic level of service and after-sales services that you should not miss out on.
7. Because nothing beats walking into a real store and buying the real deal.
8. Because absolutely nothing beats HAVING the real deal.

Some interesting statistics:

• It is estimated that 1 in 5 Chinese women (China) owns a fake handbag and usually that is an LV bag. (source: http://www.fashion-era.com)

• A court in France has found eBay guilty of selling fake copies of designer goods on its web site. eBay will have to pay 40 million Euros to LVMH, a designer goods group. (source: http://www.shortnews.com)

Now, do we really want to be a part of such statistic huh?

I know this one post here isn't going to change the world, but I hope to create some awareness. The sun would shine when our country put a stand against imitation designer products. It's bound to happen sooner or later, if we're taking a stand on pirated softwares, music and movies, it's a matter of time before this comes on the agenda. This calls for a 2 pronged approach to this problem; firstly crackdown the sellers and 'smugglers' and secondly to change the mindset of these consumers.

Take a stand, say NO to fakes. Get real.

Stupid People Ask Stupid Questions

Here are some questions or statements that should not be considered conversations nor opening lines ... you know, sometimes you are having a perfectly decent day minding your own business and someone comes and say ....

What happened to your face? Got break out ar?
Do you seriously expect an answer? If I have the answer I would already solve the problem instead of walking around with spots on my face. Unless you are my beautician and have a solution, you have no right to ask me this. If your face is perfect, you're gloating, if your face is not, you should look into the mirror first.

When are you going to change your car?
Unless you intend to buy me a car or I work for you and you are BMW and you sponsor my car purchase, you too should not ask me this.

Why you look so tired? Sick? Pale?
Obviously I am either tired, sick or pale and have no desire to be bombarded with obvious questions. So, if you have an inkling that I may be tired, sick and clearly not in the mood, the right thing to do is stay away from me. My answer to this will be; "yes, guess what? I am a vicious vampire and unless you dissappear now, I will convert you into the living dead this instance"

Why never wear makeup today?
WTF. Do I need to be accountable to people around me on whether or not I paint my face? Should I submit a proposal or permit form and then get approval first? Like what is to you people?

Did you put on weight? Eh, why you put on weight!
Sigh. What do you want me to say? "Thanks" or "No, it's water retention" If I obviously put on weight it would also probably mean that I am feeling miserable about it and therefore stating the obvious, especially in public will definitely make me either (a) hate you (b) pronounce a spell on you (c) slap you in public or (d) remember to publicly humiliate you vindictively when I have the chance or (e) ALL of the above.

Are you pregnant? (when I am obviously NOT)
Well, what can I say? The babydoll dresses and empire line tops are clearly not suited for me. If I am pregnant and you are important enough, I will tell you. You must either (a) hate me (b) be so jealous of me or (c) a big fan of me and are dying to see me populate the world with more people like me or (d) selling baby products via direct selling.

Why you look so short today? Never wear heels ar?
Seriously, where is your car? May I set fire on your car? No car? May I bomb your house then? :) *wide happy maniac grin*

Sometimes I tell God; God, you have to MAKE me NICE and PATIENT because on my own will and accord I will never make it. Seriously. I am such an anti-social, far-from-nice and hyper-sensitive creature and everything seem to irritate the crap out of me.

Seriously. The above are inconsiderate. I would not ask somebody such questions, unless you are really close to me and I know I would not offend you. But some people do get offended, so I often wonder what is the intention. Skeptical and cynical. I know. I can't help it. If it bothers you, too bad.

Actually I want to live in a cave and avoid people, but alas, God has strange plans which seems really demented right now as He somehow expects me to put up with alot of strange bizarre characters but I am sure someday He will reveal a divine purpose for allowing these strange bizarre characters into my world. Sigh.

The brewing of a storm ... and the triggers

I am about to embark on something big. Big big big. *hush* I can't tell you what yet .... it's a secret.

My success will be my redeeming grace. I will once and for all put an end to all the "murmurings" and "naggings" and "jeers" and "mocking" of various individuals who supposedly have my interest at heart. How can anyone know what is "good for me" and what is "bad for me" and that I should "snap out of it" when they have neither been inside my head nor walked in my shoes, nor feel what I feel nor see what I see. Well, I tell myself, if I can quit ciggies, I can most certainly do this.

Alot of things can happen to cause a downturn or downfall in one's life .... examples below:

• when all the things you avoid are starting to happen
• when all your fears are becoming a reality
• when horrors sneak up on you and you did not see it coming
• when you awake from a state of denial in shock and devastation
• when all the wrong people succeed in saying all the wrong things
• when all the right people fail to say all the right things
• when everyone cannot understand, or refuse to understand or prefer to stay in denial
• when you fail to get exactly what you need to prevent this; eg like water to plants.
  
• when your state of depression frightens them that they avoid you
• when you defenses are so low you can't see the base anymore
• when all your walls are down
• when you failed to failed to guard your heart and it's all too late
• when everyone expect you to become something that you cannot be
• when everyone wants you to be strong
• when you feel guilty that you are weak and you let them down
• when you are tired of being strong and all-together
• when everyone thinks they know better
• when what you want for yourself is wrong and bad
• when you are forbidden to speak your mind
• when every expression is a bloody naggy complain
  
• when expressing your emotions and feelings are dramatic and unnecessary
• when rebellion is no longer an option as I am no longer a teenager
• when I have to smile and pretend all is ok to maintain dignity at work
• when I have to be calm and make believe I am doing good for the sake of my testimony

When you get a few of such things happening, it's bad enough to drive you a little crazy, but when they all happen all together simultaneously ... then maybe it's time to review life as a whole.

Anyway it's not the first time time I go through such a situation. As usual, I have managed to ride through it like a wave and I will most likely survive it and come out of it alive. I have often been accused of being dramatic and intense all that jazz. Yadda yadda yadda. What do I have to do to make people see I have a bigger problem than my drama? Actually, heck, why bother, no one of the average, simplistic, primitive mind can ever understand anyway.

Unfortunately, I do not have ciggies to fall back on anymore *sigh* but thankfully there is still Xanax.

Will describe more about my big big big plans soon .... this is only the one of many entries to come to psyche myself up. So buckle up and get ready for a heady ride.

Day 6: May I Steal a Puff ... please?

Imagine that you have not eaten proper meals for days; all you had were soggy vegetables or plain white bread. Then, you walk into a place where you smell KFC and watch people tearing into steaming hot, fresh and crispy drumsticks .... (yeap, the fried chicken with the incredibly invasive aroma). How does it feel? Go ahead, close your eyes and imagine.

That is how I feel.

That is the deprivation, despair and misery I experience every time they light up, inhale and exhale glorious looking (lethal but glorious) smoke .... *sigh*

You know the quote: The Spirit is Willing but the Flesh is Weak...? Well, I am blessed because I discovered that when the Spirit AND Flesh is weak, my friends are strong!

This is how it goes ... me is watching and drooling and J is happily puffing away...

Me: Can I have a stick, please?
J: No.
Me: Ok, then can I have one puff? Just one puff?
J: No!
Me: It looks so good, sigh.

Later with J and E ....

Me: Can I have one puff, please? Just one tiny puff?
J: No!
E: No! Don't ruin it!
Me: Sigh.

Later with hubby ....

Me: Can I have one stick? Or one puff?
Hubby : No baby.
Me: Pretty please ...
Hubby : No.
Me: Sigh.

Thank you people for being strong for me.

Am I proud of me for being smoke-free for 6 days now...? Yes and no. Yes as I wasn't sure if I could have done it. All glory to God. And no because I had really, really weak moments. Seriously.

Day Three: Depression & Fallen Sick

I feel and look like an addict on severe withdrawal.

Puffy, sleepy, pale.

Runny leaky nose.

Sigh.

Lack of sleep plus bouts of anxiety / panic attacks maketh one unfit for work. So today I dragged myself to the docs, mainly to get my hands on Xanax and Clarinase for my runny nose, alas, he only gave me 3, of each. I still remember these Xanax (a class of psychoactive drug considered minor tranquilizers) works like a dream. Makes you really stony and at ease. I had those during the toughest parts of my wedding planning. I guess they work like Prozac, anti-depressant, but milder. I wouldn't know really, I haven't tried Prozac and fortunately have yet to be diagnosed with clinical depression. But since Wikipedia claims Xanax to be a drug that is prescribed for Anxiety Disorders, so does that by causality means I have an Anxiety Disorder? How interesting. This just makes me more complicated than I already am.

You're probably thinking, man, might as well just pick up the damn ciggie and be rid of all these psycho mambo-jumbo. No. This psycho mambo-jumbo is temporal. Picking up and lighting a ciggie now after this level of success is defeat. I will let the depression and discomfort ride. Like a wave. It will eventually stop.

Anyway after seeing the doc I decided to make myself happy with something sweet and sinful ... see below pic .... heh heh heh ...



And my dear hubby is sweet enough to rush back from work just to take me out for a nice Japanese dinner. Muaks my hubby.

Time to pop a pill and go to sleep.