This is the first entry in a series of 'irrirtating specimens'. Yup, so I have neglected my blog for a while now ... but now I have a need for it. A blog is really handy when you need to speak your mind about something yet alas you can't take it to the actual person or situation.
Without much ado let's release some tension with irritating specimen #1.
Subject: female late twenties
Vicinity: apparently much further than I imagined
Specimen #1, now let's give the girl a name so it's easier to follow, she'll be Kate, cos it rhymes with Fake. I thought Kate and I were really close frends, we see each other almost everyday for a couple of years now and we do reasonable amount of stuff together. I think I spent more time with Kate than with my own childhood girlfriends.
So anyway Kate betrayed me. It's probably really nothing in everyone's eyes but it bothers me. Oh and boy did it bother me for days and weeks. So this entry is supposed to be catharthic and hopefully this release will free me from all the irritation and angst.
How did Kate betray me? By not taking in my confidence. She led me to believe that we're close friends but when something BIG happened to her, she leaves me completely out of the story. Sure everyone has a right to whom they wish to confide in, but I did not expect to be left out. I take it as a betrayal. I had to find out bits and pieces of the story from OTHER PEOPLE who came to fill me in, and they go like "you don't know?" And I was like "what the effing crap???" How could she not tell me, and leave me in the dark and let me hear the story from someone else?
Not only that, after a so-called tragic series of misfortunes in her life, she began to drift in and out, one minute she has a blank spaced-out look in her eyes, and the very next minute she plasters on a FAKE wide smile and pretends to be happy and 'in the zone'. Girl, everyone can see through you, who are you kidding but yourself. Once I tried to ask her if she is ok and that she should talk about what's bothering her, she *smiles* with a wide smile and says everything is GREAT. But we all know it's not. So, misfortunes, followed by spaced out zombie looks, fake smiles and then, oh it gets better, false invitations, pretentious enthusiasms and cancelling out on this and that with 'fake' reasons. The lies begins and there has been so many secrets. The secrets obviously leaked out, so the very people that Kate decided to confide in aren't exactly bullet-proof, are they now?
I toyed with the idea of confronting her, but bad enough that she is already not incredibly perceptive, she is constantly going through various degrees of out-of-body experiences, what good would it do to tell her how I feel? She would'nt care how I feel, if she even cared about our so-called friendship, she would have at least included me in whatever the effing crap that happened to her.
If she had told me, cried on my shoulders, I would have been such a good good friend to her and I would have been on her side and I would have conspired to to do various misdeeds to whomever who hurt her. But no. I was sadly mistaken, I thought she was my friend, but I'm proven wrong. I hate her for that. I hate her for letting me believe we are friends. I hate her for making me care about her. And I hate the secrets. Friends don't keep secrets.
Anyway I tried to reason why she left me out, perhaps I wasn't around much, I was travelling blah blah blah, or perhaps she was ashamed, perhaps the story was not in her favor. Anyway from the bits and pieces I'm hearing there are holes and gaps and the various stories don't add up. Or perhaps she just never even see me as a close friend, it was all one-sided, I'm just the over eager-beaver. Shhheeeesh.
But if that's the case, I don't understand why she's pretending like everything is okay, and still pretend that she wants to hang out with me and all that jazz? WTF???
So a part of me tells me to let it go, let her go, so be it, I have enough friends, Kate hasn't even been around that much, and she likes to be so secretive and she lies, so that's a giveaway on her integrity. So I should just wish her the best and if she decides to come around to tell me or choose not to tell me, I should graciously let her be and continue to be a friend whenever and if ever she needs one. Meanwhile, since she has so many secrets and so many skeletons to hide, go ahead and live with them, it's her life after all, why the hell I stress?
But the evil bitch in me says Kate deserves it all. Whatever is happening in her sorry sad life, she asked for it. The bitch in me wants nothing ever again to do with her. Stay out of my life. Who needs a friend who is prone to lying and pretentiousness and secrets. So many dark secrets .... let her rot with her dark secrets.
Anyway another part of me is super curious what the hell happened and I think I know just the perfect person to find out the truth from ... why rely on third party stories .... if she won't tell me the truth, somebody will ... eventually *wink*wink*
Liar liar panties on fire.