Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What I'm about to say here takes alot of courage as my pride and ego would usually never allow me to admit regrets, I've always looked like I've got it all together, sigh; time to admit defeat.
Truth is, ever since I'm here at the new place since February, I'm yearning for the days that were. Far away in a distant time and place with familiar faces and familiar sounds, sight and smells. A place I could always be myself, a place were everyone accepted my idiosyncrasies. A place that was not perfect, oh far from perfect, but in retrospect, familiarity trumps perfection.
Why the nostalgia?
- I miss the familiar shaded parking spot that's always there for me any time of the day. I don't have to walk forever to reach it, I don't have to worry about rain or muggers or being run down by blind motorists while getting to my car. And if someone knock into my car, I'll always know who!
- I miss the cafe cum canteen downstairs with my favorite smoking spot and even the waitress that gets the orders wrong. Never mind the unimaginative mediocre menu and inconsistent food standards, it doesn't stop me yearning the warm breeze that accompanies the lunch break.
- I miss the loo, yeah, even the loo, the spacious clean loos!
- I miss the faces I don't like to see on a Monday morning. I miss how I have to force myself to smile at some of the cows but they are familiar cows and it beats getting to adjust to new cows.
- I miss my huge cubicle with the 4 feet high partitions.
- I miss the girls, whom are all gone, or going going gone anyway. I miss the drama at the car park, I miss the sneaking off for early lunches, I miss the crazy email threads, I miss the way we sneak downstairs to share a smoke, share a juicy story or just a joke.
- I miss being in charge of things, I miss making all the decisions, I miss being the go-to person, I miss everything these bare hands had built from nothing. I miss the passion and excitement and even the crazy challenges that I overcame with my dream team (well that was already dwindling anyway which ultimately led to this predicament!)
- I miss the long morning drive there, even the traffic doesn't bother me.
- I miss owning that sense of individuality, independence, belonging and power.
Of course there a thousand things I do not miss (maybe I should do a separate post on that for the sake of perspective). If given a miracle of a chance I would not wish to be there now. I don't mind a nostalgic visit to the past just to relive some of the precious crazy moments with some precious people. I guess I was always the one who wanted more, I believed I could be so much more, but was I way out of my head or should I have been contented with my portion and fill?
Why am I nostalgic? I guess because I'm a sentimental wreck, I guess I'm overruled by pregger hormones, I guess I don't entirely enjoy being here, I guess I'm not letting go, I guess I have to come to terms with this and face my decisions. What's done cannot be undone.
Alas, all this emotional turmoil is turning me into someone I barely recognize. I don't feel so alive anymore. But was I truly even alive back then to begin with? Or was it a retrospective illusion? The grass always appear greener through the lenses of time, we tend to forget there were weeds.
I keep telling myself I did the right thing; it was time to go, it was time for a change, God opened the door and the paths were laid out so easily for me to move. So were the doors opened by God above or was I so desperate for change that I convinced myself all opened doors are from God. Sometimes after having too many closed doors, you grab unto the one opening you can glimpse, in retrospect was it even a door or just a man hole?
Part of me want to believe this open door led me not to my destiny but to a transition, kind of like a world between worlds in Narnia. I guess I have to do my time here and look out for the next open door that will lead me to my destiny.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Damn funny right?
Get the guitar tab and lyrics here and go on and annoy someone with it! Or stage a puppet show to entertain kids :)
* Then he waddled away. He waddled away. He waddled away .. *
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I've been in a book rerun phase for months as I couldn't seem to find anything that tickled my fancies. I was also quite disappointed with a few books I bought lately which caused me to stay away from bookstores for a while. I made a mental note to stick with my tried and tested authors but then again we know writers do not churn out books at the same speed as ABC Network churn out TV series. Alas, my itch to visit new worlds has begun and so the book hunt started.
I came home with these books ......
I decided to start with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larrson, which is the current No. 1 best seller on the NY Time's Paperback Fiction list. This is the first of a trilogy series of detective novels translated from the Swedish, published posthumously after the author's death in 2004. For your benefit, here's a picture of the back cover synopsis and credit.
Here's a sneak preview of the first page ....
Okay, I'm going off now to indulge in hours of useless fictional pleasure. I'm hoping this will also cultivate some kind of reading habit in my yet unborn son.
Happy Sunday folks and have a lovely week ahead!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Being a newly pregger who can think of little else during my waking hours, I found myself meandering through cyber shops hawking a gazillion cute baby rompers and whatever nots! So after much browsing and ogling, I decided to try out a local site Branded Baby Clothes. So sucker la, was so curious how is it we can get a Ralph Lauren or Gap baby outfit for such a cheap price! So I order 2 cute little outfits just from how they look on the webpage picture. Below is a screen grab of the site and how the clothes look like on the site.
These were the pics from the site, the monkey romper looks so cute right??? So anyway I ordered size 6 - 9 months for both so Baby Boy can grow into them. Strangely when the actual clothes arrived, they look worlds apart, Monkey romper (RM25) looks really tiny but the stripey suit (RM37) looks like it's for 18 months! Their actual labels indeed states 6 - 9 months! I guess different makers cuts sizes differently. No matter for now since Baby Boy will be able to wear them eventually! I was quite happy with the Monkey romper but just a tad disappointed with the color and texture of the other suit, it didn't quite look like the picture on the site! But who knows maybe it will look smashing once it's on Baby Boy. We'll find out soon enough ....
Well, it's pretty easy to buy from this site as the owner (based in Kuantan) has got an order form right at the top of the site and she responds quite fast (within the same day) once you submit your order. I only wished there are clearer / larger photos of the clothes so we get a better idea of what we will be getting.
I'm still scouting around for more interesting stuff for Baby Boy, and I've set my sights on these two local sites Cool Cotton and Cupcake Chic Boutique. I'm going to try them out soon and we'll see how it goes. (My observation: Cool Cotton carries Carter's, Osh Kosh, Gap and more; where else Cupcake Chic apparently specializes in genuine Gymboree USA merchandise)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I'm pleased to say that the blessing of 'motherhood' and pregnancy forced upon me the bonus benefit of clean air and a pair of smoke-free lungs. I am now smoke-free for almost 5 months, since I quit cold turkey on 1st Jan 2010, which was when I discovered I was preggers with Baby Boy. This is the longest ever since my pathetic quitting attempt over 2 years back, which barely lasted 2 months!
While I'm generally blissfully preoccupied with baby-thoughts and intoxicated with joys of becoming a new mum, there are still days where I miss my morning stick; standing at the back balcony with my steaming sweet coffee .... aahhhh... the little sinful pleasures of life.
I was suddenly reminded of my past sinful indulgence when I stumbled upon these gorgeous images of Coco Chanel from the 2009 movie Coco avant Chanel. The most glamorous and most fashionable woman that ever lived chained smoked, what kind of motivation is that for the rest of us smokers who are trying to quit?
I know one thousand and one health freaks out there would like to dispute and refute me but I still hold to the image that a glamourous babe sporting red lips, a plunging neckline and a cigarette in her divinely manicured hand is one hell of an irresistible picture.
However, a new picture of me is a doting mum with her plump baby boy cradled in her arms (but let's maintain the lipstick, plunging neckline and manicured nails ya). So adieu Dunhill Lights, I love thee no more. At least for a while *wink*
Thursday, May 06, 2010
As you can see, we allowed the fur kids to take it for a spin first.
The interior looks cute and comfy, and it seems light weight enough for both us to handle. Daddy's still practising opening and closing it with ONE hand! Wonder if lil' bub will like in here? Next mommy's off to get some attachable toys so we can 'pimp the ride'!
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
I'm daydreaming, thinking of you
Concentrating on the slightest flutter
Of little fists and feet going pitter patter
I should be planning my strategies
But I wonder if you've got enough booties
And why don't they sell more matching caps?
I can't bear you looking mismatched
I should start on that proposal
But I keep seeing you swaddled
In that new green monkey blanket
Will it keep you safe and warm?
My presentation is hanging
I'm so lost for words except
All the names I'm thinking up for you
Everything is jumbled, even this doesn't rhyme!
I should totally not be doing this right now
But I really don't know how
All I do is daydream of you
Of what you're doing and what you will do....
Now let mummy get back to work so she can earn money to buy you more goodies and stuff that match.