I was sharing with my group of close girlfriends about my quitting smoking and naturally as expected, everyone was happy for me and all that. Then one of the girls started to 'story' us about her pact with her other half to get him to quit smoking. This girl, my friend, is a non-smoker and we know her other half is a smoker, drinker etc which are all quite the norm and acceptable but in her case she has never approved of it and has always tried very hard to get him to quit; both the drinking and the smoking.
So this is the deal they came up with ... he agreed to quit smoking on ONE condition. The condition is that she lose weight to his desired number. We were shocked and flabbergasted. I believe the common reaction here would be to thrash the guy but my friends being the sweet forgiving and accommodating soul that she is, did not get upset at him but rather she negotiated a different number with him. His preference was for her to lose 10kg, and as soon as she reached that weight, he will quit smoking and he will hold off the cigarettes as long as she maintains the weight. Anyhow, they manage to negotiate for her to lose somewhere roundabout 6 to 8 kgs from her current weight. Might I also add that she is not at all obese nor fat but just plump and heavier than her younger days, but she has a a pretty face and beautiful eyes that does not need makeup and mascara to look good, unless the rest of us sad mascara-addicts.
So we asked; "what if you're pregnant?" Well, they also had that figured out, the deal is that she loses the weight she gains during pregnancy within 2 months. Otherwise, he picks up smoking again.
Well, so there you have it, the worst deal. As an ex-smoker for many years, and I am pretty sure Mr Negotiator, who is a way older smoker than I, would agree that giving up smoking is not an easy task that you can quit as you wish. In fact, some would go as far to say that it would be easier to celibate than to quit smoking. You can never really quit unless you really want to.
We might ask Mr Negotiator, why resort to such extreme measures???
So the questions we should ask are:- Is he so selfish that he is using this negotiation to his own benefit because he suspect that she cannot lose weight anyway? So at the end of it all, he can turn around and shift the blame to her that it's her fault as she did not make an effort so therefore why should he.
- On the other hand, perhaps he so badly want her to lose weight that he is willing to quit smoking for that. On the second theory, the benefit of the doubt is on his end because perhaps he wants her to be healthier or to return to the figure that she used to have when they first met.
Hmmm, either way both theories don't hold water for me. The fact that he came up with such a deal is a shocker. To begin with, Mr Negotiator does not exactly have a hot body or killer looks to begin with (pardon moi, just my opinion). I understand this dear friend would want to please her other half, as most of us want to please and satisfy our partners. Of course it's a pain to see our partners comment or ogle at other hot women such a movie stars, car models, our own girlfriends etc.
Anyhow, this friend of mine has walked the miles and whole nine yards for this dude. If I am in her shoes I would seriously expect more appreciation on the good things and less focus on the negative. Looks after all, will fade, for both him and her. Well, then again, indulge me to be so shallow to venture further and say that if this guy is a dream hunk of some sort and provides a luxurious and exceedingly comfortable life for his woman and always puts her first in all things and pampers her so that she has never a day to worry about anything in life, then yes, fine, fair enough, it's only a fair and minor reciprocal effort that she ensures that she looks the perfect picture of a woman. But the sorry fact is, from our observation, Mr Negotiator is far from being the perfect provider. (provider meaning the tangible and intangible) But having said that, this statement by no means permits a man to behave ill as he wish and exploit his woman if he is the perfect provider (again, provider meaning the tangible and intangible) .
No matter what we do or do not do, there will always be another woman taller, thinner, curvier, fairer, tanner, more boobsy, less boobsy, smarter, bimbo-er, cuter, sexier than ourselves. If a man marries or dates a woman for looks, then I guess whatever he has to offer in reciprocation is equally short lived and insubstantial.
