The End: Closing Another Chapter

I’ve been quiet awhile as it’s been quite challenging trying to juggle a new baby and going back to work in November.Anyway when I came back in November, I tendered my resignation immediately. Understandably, people get the impression that I’m leaving my job for the sake of my baby. That’s only part of the truth. I’m leaving this job because it’s like the biggest career mistake I’ve ever made. 

Why is it a mistake? Well, to begin with, there was a serious mismatched expectation vs deliverables. I believe I excelled as a marketer in many ways but I think I suck at this current role (client servicing in advertising). In my past 10 years, I’ve done and achieved things most marketers can only dream of. I’ve done the whole nine yards, one-leg-kick thing, late hours and weekends included. All that plus blood, sweat and tears, all in the name of passion for my job. Some of you who know me will know that when I’m completely on board when I believe in something, there will be no stopping me come hell or high waters! However, my dissatisfaction here has nothing to do with my clients, in fact I've met some pretty wonderful clients who are very appreciative.

Somehow I’m not able to replicate the same fabulous me here. Just to organize my thoughts, here are some of the more concrete reasons why things are not happening here:

1. It’s not what I expected it to be; should never have left marketing to join the dark side!
2. I don’t enjoy what I do; it’s all lacking a sense of purpose.
3. I’m not good at this because I don’t enjoy it.
4. Lack of direction, guidance and support; which means I’m groping in the dark half the time.
5. Incongruent expectations on both sides.
6.  Conflicting work styles within the department creating a lot of contention.
7.  Poor top-down planning and conflicting directions leads to a lot of confusion on who is supposed to do what , how and when, resulting in a lot of unnecessary last-minute scrambling. I don’t understand why we have to pay dearly for someone else’s mistakes and poor time management.
8.  I hate not being in control of my work.
9. The department itself is fragmented.
10. I’m not contributing in a way that changes the world (unlike in my previous place), when I don’t see myself making a difference, I feel very demotivated.
11. I’m not growing professionally as I’m not learning what I need to.
12. Socially it’s not happening for me either; I’ve always had wonderful workmates from my previous jobs which became lasting friends till today. God knows I’ve tried. People keep leaving anyway. Hence everyday is a lonely battle.

Don’t get me wrong, the company is an excellent employer overall and there are many satisfied long-standing staff. To be fair, as an organization they have pretty good values and principles. There will always be some weak links within any strong organization and I’m unfortunate enough to be stuck in one such division. As such I know I need to leave because another day of this would surely break me completely.  I don’t want to spend my hours picking up the pieces and fire fighting for someone who is so disorderly. My anally methodical mind cannot handle it, I have to be in control or I will totally lose it so help me God.

Having said that, do I regret leaving my previous job? No I don’t, the time was ripe there and I had to move on sooner or later. I will always cherish the moments I’ve had there. Looking back I appreciate all the trials and tribulations I went through and it made me what I am today. I especially appreciate the people who gave me the autonomy to make decisions, the room to make mistakes and the freedom to take pride in my work.

And so by the end of December I shall close the year by ending this small chapter on a bad career decision and  starting the new year as a SAHM (stay at home mum) for a while, we don’t know how long yet, perhaps until me and my baby are both ready. We need each other very much right now. 

Will I work again? Yes I believe I will, eventually, I’m not sure if I can resist the lure of the corporate madness and I don’t think I’m done with marketing yet. I’d like to have the opportunity to redeem myself as I don’t want my career life to end on such a doleful note.