Friends and acquaintances. We get all sorts. Now I'm really not a super sociable kinda person. I'd rather spend time alone by myself or at home than hanging out with different groups of people all the time talking rots. I do have wonderful friends; and I do beleive in quality over quantity. Life, unfortunately once in a while give us a couple of people we can't stand yet we have to see them more often that we would like too.
Today I'd like to talk about self absorbed people. Me and two of my girlfriends recently tried to explain the root cause behind people who are full of themselves, friend A says "overconfidence", friend B says "insecure" I'd go with insecure.
Let's first expound what it means to be "full of oneself":
- You never ask people "how are you?" and be genuine about it, and when you do ask, you just want to hear "fine" so you can switch the topic back to yourself. You can't wait to get over formalities so you can start talking about yourself.
- 80% of the conversation centers around your own person; how you feel, your health, your work, your relationships, your pains and aches, your dissatisfactions, your needs and so forth.
- You look bored when others start talking about something else, or themselves.
- You shove your pictures, videos, stories down other people's throat but when they show you theirs, you won't even pretend to look interested.
- You almost never pay compliments or say anything positive and encouraging to others around you.
- You think everyone is checking you out all the time, so you're often poised and collected, you even sneeze or walk a certain way.
- You befriend people who makes you look good or important.
- You are often justifying and explaining your every single action because you're so obsessed how people see you.
- You change your Facebook profile picture every other day.
- You stare at the mirror / glass window at EVERY opportunity to check yourself out.
- When someone tells you their problems or grouses, you ALWAYS interrupt with similar stories of yourself, and then you rattle on and the other person forgot what they were saying in the first place.
- You're good at acting to some extend because you need to win adoration and admiration from different groups of people. Small-talk is your specialty.
- You initiate and post comments on other peoples pictures, blogs, tweets purely for the intention of getting them to do the same in return.
- You're constantly fishing; fishing for sympathy or fishing for compliments on a daily basis. This is how it works, you announce how sad your life is, how misunderstood you are, how much pain you're in, how fat and frumpy you look etc so that people can go "oh you poor thing" "oh no you're not fat, you're gorgeous" bla bla bla.
- More than half your bookshelf comprise of self-help books.
- You take a thousand personality quizzes to 'appraise' yourself and make your friends take multiple quizzes abut yourself; like the world is actually interested in the nitty gritties of your small existence.
- You take advantage of people to advance your own cause and won't even feel bad about it.
- You have a compelling desire to constantly update your many status-enhancing material acquisitions online, e.g. pictures of your latest customised designer handbags or limited edition Cartier jewelry piece and you shamelessly publicise outright the fact that you now live in a high end property in the upper east side, in local context read D'sara Heights , Kenny Hills, Dusa Nusantara etc. What do you aim to achieve? So that people can praise and compliment your wealth, your good luck, your exquisite taste in your imported Versace Home collection or your fifty thousand ringgit Bofi kitchen. Come on, seriously?
- You are often 'victimised' and feel sorry for yourself, then you story the world about your sorry life so everyone can hold a pity party in your honor.
- You can't participate in conversations about movies, books, world issues or even gossips, simply because you're clueless on anything outside your own world or when it does not benefit you in anyway.
- You don't have a sense of humor and you can't repeat a joke because you never paid attention to funny things you see or read, simply because it's always always about YOU.
I came up with the above 'checklist' after careful observation of various behavioral traits of multiple specimens in real time and on various social media platforms. The examples quoted here are for real, brand names have been changed to protect the 'victimised'. I would like to add the disclaimer that I am in no way qualified to psychoanalyze but I have proven to myself to be pretty good judge of character. Also, I do not assume the moral higher ground here as I've also been guilty of some of the above so I guess this also serves as a checklist for myself so I won't falter as well.
Of course, each one of us are guilty of some or more of the above on and off. I am particularly guilty of #10. It's really no big crime to be so full of yourself and show-off once in a while, it's only natural, it's the inevitable state of our fallen selfish selves. But it comes as a major turn off if you're repeatedly chronically self-absorbed. You'll come across as insecure, annoying and spoilt, and you wonder why people stopped inviting you to gatherings and parties? Having said that, it's ok to talk about yourself, but do at least give others same amount of air time, even if they are boring, have the courtesy to look interested, unless of course you're too self-absorbed to consider the feelings of your friends! Tsk tsk.
And when you ask "How are you?", don't just stop at "fine", ask them how their work is, how's their cat, dog, mother, father, one can probe without interrogating. Once in a while pay some compliments to others, tell them they look nice in their new hairdo or they have a nice outfit, instead waiting with bated breath for others to notice and comment on your new Prada clutch, they might not say anything, anyway they have already seen it multiple times online. Also, yea yea, we acknowledge how pretty and photogenic you are, we do not need to see a different (digitally enhanced) profile photo every two days! LOL.