Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Waiting & Anticipating

Alas, time is up but baby is still not checking out from Le Mummy's Bump. Waiting and anticipating yet nothing is happening. I know God's timing is always perfect and the baby will choose his own birthday but this is totally killing me.

I will bury my phone the next time it beeps with another concerned "Is baby here yet" message. Sigh, I know I'm blessed with wonderful friends who actually remember the due date and are genuinely concerned. I do love all my friends and I appreciate them but I'm not in a right frame of mind now. In fact I have taken to turning my phone on SILENT and going completely OFF Facebook and Messenger until Baby arrives. Call it a social hibernation, whatever, I am just so damn xien.

And poor hubby is inundated with "Have your wife delivered yet?" at the office all week. Looks like he has to put up with that for a few more days. Thank God no idiot has ventured to the "Why so late wan?" follow up comment after hearing "No". And every time Hubby ask me if I'm feeling alright, I sadly nod and say I'm feeling fine, when what we both really want to hear is "No  I'm having contractions, the Baby is coming!"

Everyone is asking how I'm feeling and if I'm okay. Unfortunately I am, I can't believe I'm saying this but I wish I'm wrecked with contractions and clear-cut pain right now cos all I'm getting are a wide range of inenerrable discomforts which barely warrant a trip to the hospital. I've been reading and re-reading the labor sections of all my Pregnancy books and online resources yet I'm non the wiser.

Here's what I'm getting off the net when I Google "What does contractions feel like?" And these are the gists of some real-life testimonials from various sources:

Severe menstrual cramps
I hardly ever get these back in the day and I can't quite remember how they feel. Nope, I'm not quite feeling this.

Diarrhea, gas cramps
I get lots of these which always lead me to the loo anyway so I guess mine are a results of too much chili padi or yesterday's dinner, so nope, this can't be it.

Sharp shooting pains in the abdomen
I'm not getting much of this, I thought I felt something like this a couple of nights, they went away so I wonder if I dreamt it anyway.

Dull achy cramps
This is happening on and off, probably due to Baby's weight or whatever but it's not alarming enough to set us rushing anywhere. Besides, it goes away on and off.

Tightening of the belly
I have been feeling this all the time past few weeks and it's the one and only slightly more regular sensation I have. The tightening doesn't even qualify as mildly uncomfortable so I'm ruling it out as an alarm unless it gets more intense to the point of actually being painful.

My mum says hers started out as backache and radiates to the whole belly. I don't have backaches to begin with and I guess this is only valid if the baby's back is pressing against the spine which is not quite my case.

It's something like you've never felt before
Are you seriously kidding me; how is such a description even helpful in any way?

There are other sudden indescribable sensations, little pains, aches and tenderness all around at different spots and different times of the day. They are usually more ticklish than uncomfortable.

So I'm basically sitting around analysing every sensation I experience and trying very hard to compartmentalise them into all the categories I've read up on. This keeps me up all night and it's driving me crazy. Unfortunately nothing I feel seems to be regular enough for me monitor and track. Sigh.

People say "You will know it when it happens" but I sure ain't knowing anything or it's definitely not quite happening. The thing I wonder is "What if it's happening and I don't even know it?" I might have like super-human pain threshold and not even realise I'm in labor. Gosh.

I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take. I'm insomniac, heavy, big, uncomfortable, sweaty and worst of all ... bored out of my freaking mind. At this point, I'm just praying and begging; oh God bring on the PAIN!!! At least I'll know for certain something is going to happen, the waiting and uncertainty is not fun at all.

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